Jesus Had A Chosen Family
September 12, 2025
Family is one of the most formative forces shaping our existence. Yet, the word “family” carries more depth than mere blood or lineage. Our society centers the traditional nuclear family, often sparing little room for different ways of belonging. But for anyone who has felt estranged from their family of origin, or for those bold enough to challenge society’s narrative, scripture offers something radically different—Jesus himself models a chosen family built on love, commitment, and shared purpose.
Rev. Nancy Wilson asserts that Martha, Mary, and Lazarus of Bethany were Jesus’ “adult family of choice” (Our Tribe, 1995). Their home, just two miles from Jerusalem, became a haven for him—a headquarters for his ministry in the tumultuous final week of his life. Jesus continually returned to their door, choosing connection and hospitality as a centerpiece for his mission.
This challenge to convention is woven into the very fabric of Jesus’ teachings and life. The idea of a chosen family asks us to reexamine belonging, to expand it, and to build communities that reflect deep, intentional love.
Redefining Family Bonds: Biological Tension and New Kinship
When we look at Jesus’ biological family, the picture is complicated. Though scripture offers only glimpses, the relationship appears strained. Mark 3:20-21 recounts, “When his family heard it, they went out to restrain him, for people were saying, ‘He has gone out of his mind.’” The Greek term “restrain” (κρατῆσαι/kratēsai) is strong: to seize, to take custody of. Those closest to him tried to pull him back from his calling.
Even as a young person, Jesus seems out of step with his family’s expectations (Luke 2:41-50). Later, while he is teaching, his mother and brothers come, “standing outside they sent to him and called him” (Mark 3:31). They want him to come home. His response is clear and bold: “Looking at those who sat around him, he said, ‘Here are my mother and my brothers! Whoever does the will of God is my brother and sister and mother’” (Mark 3:34-35). The Gospel of Mark is unapologetic: Jesus’ biological family is not always on board with his mission.* Instead, he claims his community as his kin.
*It’s worth noting that some theologians contend Mary was always a supporter; she is present at his crucifixion and at the Wedding at Cana (John 2:3, John 19:25-27), and later, Jesus spends time with his mother, brothers, and disciples together at Capernaum (John 2:12). Yet the dominant thread is that Jesus chooses the people that he wants around him.
The Chosen Family: Martha, Mary, Lazarus, and Beyond
So whom did Jesus choose? Rev. Nancy Wilson identifies Martha, Mary, and Lazarus as Jesus’ chosen family of adulthood. “Now as they went on their way, he entered a certain village where a woman named Martha welcomed him into her home” (Luke 10:38). In this household, Jesus found friendship, loyalty, and refuge. When Lazarus dies, Jesus weeps—a public, visible outpouring of love: “Jesus began to weep. So the Jews said, ‘See how he loved him!’” (John 11:35-36). The Bethany family is proof that chosen bonds can be as strong, if not stronger, than those of blood.
But the circle of Jesus’ chosen family is broader than three siblings. Jesus’ closest followers aren’t just the twelve men we’re accustomed to hearing about. The Gospel of Luke records many women who traveled with Jesus and financed his ministry. “Mary (called Magdalene) from whom seven demons had come out; Joanna the wife of Chuza, the manager of Herod’s household; Susanna; and many others. These women were helping to support them out of their own means” (Luke 8:2-3). In defiance of social norms, Jesus embraces women as central, valued partners in his mission and daily life.
The Beloved Disciple: Love as Kinship
Among Jesus’ relationships, the unnamed Beloved Disciple stands out as another profound example of chosen kinship. While his identity remains uncertain—John the Evangelist, James the brother of Jesus, or Lazarus of Bethany are all suggested—the bond is undeniable. Even at his crucifixion, Jesus is still building chosen family. From the cross, he creates a new relationship: “He said to his mother, ‘Woman, here is your son.’ Then he said to the disciple, ‘Here is your mother.’ And from that hour the disciple took her into his own home” (John 19:26-27). In his final moments, Jesus entrusts his mother and the Beloved Disciple to each other, insisting that love—not blood—binds us as family.
Redefining Community: An Ongoing Call
The vision of chosen family didn’t end with Jesus. The earliest Jesus movement was a web of relationships that drew from all classes, genders, and walks of life. Jesus’ vision was outrageously inclusive. His table was set for anyone willing to join, to love, serve, and learn.
Today, we are invited to wrestle with this model. Are we building communities where difference is welcomed and belonging is real? Are we ready to claim the power and risk of chosen family, even if it means defying social expectations?
Building Your Chosen Family Today
Just as Jesus formed intentional relationships outside of biological bounds, we too are called to seek kinship that transcends the accidental inheritance of birth. In a world that elevates individualism yet leaves many feeling isolated, the reality of chosen family is both revolutionary and redemptive.
Practice Radical Welcome: Risk inviting people into your circle who unsettle your comfort zone. Value difference, and make space for those who don’t fit neatly into categories.
Prioritize Shared Values: Gather around truth, compassion, and justice. Let what you believe in knit you together stronger than any accident of blood.
Show Up for Each Other: Love is not theoretical. It is casseroles and car rides, presence at hospital bedsides, and fierce advocacy. Chosen family is built by those who refuse to let anyone walk alone.
Embrace Imperfection: The chosen family Jesus shaped was far from harmonious. It was honest, messy, committed. Mistakes aren’t grounds for exile—rather, they offer opportunities for forgiveness and deeper connection.
Kinship—real, soul-deep, chosen kinship—is a reflection of God’s unconditional love for all. Jesus shows us that family is not just a given: it is a calling, an act of courage, and a work of love. Let’s gather our chosen families—unapologetically—and build communities that dismantle exclusion and echo divine belonging. The invitation is open. Who will you invite in?